OMG, I’m so happy. I just got off the phone with Mike. Yesterday, while I was on the phone with him, while we were discussing a compromise, he said that maybe I should educate myself (he didn’t say this in a condescending way, or he didn’t mean to anyway. I tried not to see it like that) and do some research about marijuana. All I know about pot is just what I heard from the D.A.R.E. program while growing up, or the commercials on tv.  I don’t even know if whatever they say is true and if the consequences are exaggerated and whatnot. I’m not even sure if that’s true; I keep typing about it as if I’m not sure or I’m doubting the information we’re given, but people keep telling me that it’s all a conspiracy to scare us, blah blah blah. I don’t know what to believe. All I know is that I don’t like it either way. Anyway, after we hung up, after blowing my nose and calming down, I googled some information about weed. It all looked bad. Like I said before, I’d heard that pot wasn’t as harmful as cigarettes, but it turns out it is and it may even be more harmful since there aren’t any filters on joints. Also, people hold the smoke from pot in their lungs longer than they would cigarette smoke (and how long you hold it in doesn’t even affect your high). I sent an email to Mike that included a bunch of links of sites that I read, and I even included some paragraphs from entries that I’d written on here, so he could see how I feel for him and how the weed thing bothers me.

Well, while I was on the phone with him, right when I was going to tell him that I sent him an email (I knew he hadn’t seen it cuz he didn’t say anything about it to me on the phone and he didn’t reply to the email), he said, “I’m sorry for bringing this up right now, but –” and then he told me that he, too, didn’t go to sleep till around 3:30, 4 o’clockish because he was reading up about weed also. He read pretty much the same thing as me and he said he was disgusted with himself. He said that it’s exactly what I was scared of. He also said that there was a lot more information about it now than there was the last time he checked (and I’m going to say that that is probably just due to the search he did at the time. I bet it wasn’t much different then and there was still a lot of info on it, whenever that was) and he said that it’s just as bad as cigarettes. He said that two weeks from now, he’ll be completely done with it.

It made me so happy. I was smiling the whole time he told me that. I wish I were with him so I could hug him (and rape him… maybe), so he could see my reaction. I stayed quiet on the phone, though. I didn’t want it to seem like I was saying, “See?” or anything. Not that that was how I was feeling. I don’t act smug very often. I do in my head, though. Like all the time. But not without good reason… and not in this case. I was just happy.

He said that even though he’s doing it for me, he’s doing it for himself, too. I told him I’d rather him do it for himself than for me anyway. Like I said last night, I want him to stop because he wants to, because he sees that it’s better for him if he did. I just want him to be healthy. I don’t want to be with someone who’s going to be sick and dying 20 years before I die. I just always wanted to be able to share my life with someone and have it last as long as it could. I think I really want him to be that someone. It made me cry harder when he said that life is too short to hold back and whatnot, so that’s why he wanted to try new things (drugs and whatever). I don’t see WHY you would do that stuff then. If life is too short, why make it shorter? I seriously did not know what I was going to do about that situation if he didn’t want to stop smoking for his own sake.

He’s so amazing. I care for him SO much. I’m so glad that he’s doing this. Even if, for some reason, we don’t end up being together, at least I know he’s taking care of himself. Oh yeah, he told me that he signed up at the gym today, so he’ll be working out with his brother. His physical appearance makes no difference to me because I really, REALLY do love him, but it still makes me happy that he’s taking care of himself now. He said that he’ll be able to breathe better and stuff.

I have to do the same thing. I have to start jogging again.

On Sunday, I went shopping for ingredients for onigiri (rice balls) for my bento project. I went to Mitsuwa (a Japanese market) in Edgewater, but I can’t read Japanese… lol. I was so lost. I found the nori, but I couldn’t find any furikake or tonkatsu sauce (some of the recommended ingredients for a bento). Most of the sauces in the aisle were soy sauce or teriyaki sauce. I’m going to go back sometime (sometime after work during the next few days, or the weekend) and try it again. I told Mike that if I could, I’d make bentos for him, too. He said he’d like that. God, why can’t we live closer? I hate being so far away. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, but I’ve been doing this for so long and I feel like this time apart is just a WASTE. T_T

I was only with him a week and a half ago. That was the LONGEST week and a half EVAR. It feels like it’s been a month already.

Well, that’s all for now. I’m going to read some more about bentos and maybe I’ll take a nap and go jogging tonight. It’s nice out today (yesterday was so shitty). We’ll see… afk.