Like I said in my previous entry, Mike went back to smoking pot (but occasionally). I don’t like it at all and he knows that. I registered for classes for the spring, even though I told him that I would move into his apartment with him sometime during the new year. Part of the reason I did so was just in case we broke up. At least if I didn’t move, I’d be all set to continue my life here in NJ.

Oh, I didn’t even mention the most important part yet: I broke up with him.

So now I’m single again. That was probably the shortest and maybe the best relationship I’d ever been in.

It breaks my heart to know that he wouldn’t quit smoking because of me. He just said that it’s part of who he is. He’s a live-life-to-the-fullest kinda guy and, unfortunately, part of that is getting high every now and then. I expressed to him my concerns about his health and whatnot, but apparently my love for him isn’t enough to have him quit permanently. He would rather us break up because of differing values than to quit smoking for the love as his life, which he said I was about a week ago, when we started discussing his habit again.

My mom came into my room while I was breaking up with him and, unfortunately, this whole conversation was done through text messaging, so she didn’t know I was in the middle of something important when she walked in. She didn’t notice until she saw my face, all red and puffed up. Oh, and when I asked her to leave. Anyway, I really didn’t want to do it through texts, but we were texting while we were at work, talking about how I was feeling about our relationship. Then, when we both got out of work, we continued texting and we ended up saying maybe this relationship isn’t going to work and I said we should just end it. I saw from his texts that he didn’t want to give up smoking, but he was more than willing to let our relationship fall apart because he wants to get high. It was a very easy break up. I mean, it went smoothly. He didn’t put up any kind of fight or anything. It saddens me to see finally see what he values most.

After I was done, my mom said she was proud of me. My family has a couple of druggies, including my immediate family. People like that don’t change unless they have to. My dad had been smoking since he was young (my mom said while we they were dating, and they started dating when they were 15) and he had to quit a few years ago because he was having trouble breathing; he was wheezing and coughing a lot. He was also suffering from paranoia. He went to see a psychiatrist and s/he told him it’s time to quit. I told Mike that people don’t quit unless something causes them to, like if they have a terminal illness or they had a near death experience. Otherwise, “regular” people change because they realize they’re getting old or they want to get married and/or have kids or something.

He said he doesn’t have the same mentality as me (see my post titled “Long Term“), and maybe he never will. But he said he’s still young, maybe he’ll grow. I said if he grows, if at all, it won’t be until later in life. I didn’t say it straight out, but I’m not going to wait until then. So I said we should just break it off now.

I swore after my last boyfriend that I wouldn’t be dating for a long time after that, but instead, I broke up with him to be with Mike. This time, I really am going to stop for a while. I really don’t think I can deal with another relationship any time soon. Meeting new people, learning about them, meeting family and whatnot — sometimes it’s feels like more of a chore.

I’m going up to his apartment once more to get my things. I’m also going to give him the shirt I bought for him for Christmas. It was a size too small and I had to exchange it for him. I had to order it off their website, though, and their free shipping method takes like 8 business days. Anyway, it should be here today. I’m going to just take my bag — with just his shirt in it, none of my things since I’ll be just going there and coming back — and fill it with my things when I get to his place. I need to get a DVD box set back from his parents. I also lent him Entourage season 3, parts 1 and 2 this past weekend. I was going to break up with him then, but I was hopeful that maybe this would work out. ANYWAY, I guess I gotta get that back. I have to give him his keys, too. He made me a copy of his keys a few weeks ago.

I feel bad because his family is so nice and I think he’s really awesome.

I wonder if he’ll realize exactly what he’s trading our relationship in for and whether or not it’s really worth it.

So… I guess that’s it.

The End.

Advertisement